"God, Take One of My Eyes"—On the Trump Tariff Folly - By Jude S. Ngu'Ewodo

 

By Someone who’s watched the trade war from both sides of the checkout line.

I made a joke last week: “God, take one of my eyes.” It was dark, sarcastic, and—as promised—I'll now explain what that quip has to do with the dumbfounding stupidity and pointed cruelty of Donald Trump’s trade tariffs.

Let’s begin with the stupidity.

According to the gospel of Trump, the United States—home to Apple, Microsoft, McDonald's, and the Marvel Cinematic Universe—is being ripped off by the rest of the world. Victimized. Taken for fools. You can picture the imagined scene: solemn Chinese, crafty Europeans, snickering behind their espresso cups while the poor, naïve U.S. sits wide-eyed at the global poker table, being cleaned out.

Except, of course, that's not the world we live in. Not even close.

The reality? The U.S. is winning the global economic game—by a landslide. Not in steel. Not in sedans. But in the stuff that actually powers the modern world: ideas, services, software, entertainment, and culture. When American products are done right, they don’t just compete—they dominate.

Just look:

• Apple’s iPhone: 1.4 billion sold globally. In Paris, Lagos, Shanghai, it’s not “a phone.” It’s the phone.
• Hollywood: 25% of the global box office. People watch American stories to understand their own lives.
• Microsoft: Over 76% of desktops run Windows. Office 365 is basically the air of white-collar work—everywhere, all the time.
• Coca-Cola: Sold in 200+ countries, consumed 1.9 billion times a day. If Earth had a flag, it might be red and fizzy.
• Amazon: Dominates U.S. e-commerce, yes—but also quietly shapes retail across continents.
• McDonald's: 69 million customers daily. More than the population of France.
• Boeing: 42% global aircraft market share. They don’t just fly; they move the planet.
• NVIDIA: They make the brains for AI. The rest of the world? They're just trying to catch up.
• Nike: $44.5 billion in revenue, sold in 190 countries. They do it, and do it well.
• Visa: 150 billion transactions annually. More than a currency—Visa is infrastructure.

So no, the U.S. isn't getting "taken." It's selling trillions in value to the rest of the world. And when American products are bad—like, say, some of their cars—well, the market says so. Not the WTO. Just regular people in Tokyo or Berlin who don’t want to drive a Ford Escape when they can drive a BMW 3-Series.

Now, to the cruelty.

Tariffs are not taxes on China or France or Madagascar. They're taxes on MAGA Americans and others who live there. They’re taxes on every American family shopping at Walmart or Target, where prices on t-shirts, sneakers, and toasters quietly go up 10%, 20%, sometimes 40%. Not on foie gras or Dom Pérignon—but on basics. The stuff the so-called “forgotten Americans” in MAGA country rely on most.

The irony? These policies, sold as nationalistic, are regressive to the bone. They’re sales taxes dressed up in patriotism. A red hat over an empty wallet.

And abroad, the pain is worse.

Countries that were climbing the first rungs of the development ladder—places like Madagascar or my country of birth, Cameroon—suddenly find their vanilla, their cocoa, their textiles priced out of American markets. Less trade means less income, means more poverty. You want to save the West Virginia coal miner? Fine. But don’t crush a Malagasy vanilla farmer in the process.

Which brings me back to the joke: “God, take one of my eyes…”

Trump’s trade policy, in essence, is a prayer to go blind in one eye (cutting imports), hoping the rest of the world goes blind in both (economic submission). It’s self-mutilation as strategy. The bad news for Trump? God’s not answering that one.

The good news for the rest of us? Neither is the world.

Jude S. Ngu'Ewodo is Author of the book "Climate Crisis Unmasked: Unraveling the web of Betrayal and Greed" (Grab Print here , grab eBook here ). It unpacks how misguided policies like these are slowing down the fight against global warming—and what we can do about it.